Child Custody
Child custody and guardianship are legal terms which are sometimes used to describe the legal and practical relationship between a parent and his or her child, such as the right of the parent to make decisions for the child, and the parent's duty to care for the child.
Following ratification of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child in most countries, terms such as "residence" and "contact" (known as "visitation" in the United States) have superseded the concepts of "custody" and "access". Instead of a parent having "custody" of or "access" to a child, a child is now said to "reside" or have "contact" with a parent. For a discussion of the new international standards, see parental responsibility.
Residence and contact issues typically arise in proceedings involving divorce (dissolution of marriage), annulment and other legal proceedings where children may be involved. In most jurisdictions the issue of which parent the child will reside with is determined in accordance with the best interests of the child standard.
Child Custody Laws Minnesota
Family law proceedings which involve issues of residence and contact often generate the most acrimonious disputes. While many parents cooperate when it comes to sharing their children, not all do. For those that engage in litigation, there seem to be few limits. Court filings quickly fill with mutual accusations by one parent against the other, including sexual, physical, and emotional abuse, brain-washing, parental alienation syndrome, sabotage, and manipulation. It is these infrequent "super-heated" custody battles that make the news and sometimes distort the public's perceptions as to the prevalence of such disputes and the adequacy of the court's response.
Forum shopping to gain advantage occurs both between nations and where laws and practices differ between areas within a nation, The Hague Convention seeks to avoid this, also in the United States of America, the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act was adopted by all 50 states, family law courts were forced to defer jurisdiction to the home state.
In some places, courts and legal professionals are beginning to use the term parenting schedule instead of custody and visitation. The new terminology eliminates the distinction between custodial and noncustodial parents, and also attempts to build upon the so-called best interests of the children by crafting schedules that meet the developmental needs of the children. For example, younger children need shorter, more frequent time with parents, whereas older children and teenagers can tolerate and may demand less frequent shifts, but longer blocks of time with each parent.
Sole custody is an arrangement whereby only one parent has physical and legal custody of a child and the other parent has visitation rights.
This is the opposite of joint custody which is shared custody.
Alabama Child Custody Laws
Criticism of policies concerning determination of child custody
Current policies concerning the determination of child custody have been criticized by certain groups. For more information and rationale, see the main article.
Guidelines for Child Custody IN New York
Guidelines for Child Custody Evaluations in Divorce Proceedings
Introduction
Decisions regarding child custody and other parenting arrangements occur within several different legal contexts, including parental divorce, guardianship, neglect or abuse proceedings, and termination of parental rights. The following guidelines were developed for psychologists conducting child custody evaluation, specifically within the context of parental divorce. These guidelines build upon the American Psychological Association's Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct ( APA, 1992 ) and are aspirational in intent. As guidelines, they are not intended to be either mandatory or exhaustive. The goal of the guidelines is to promote proficiency in using psychological expertise in conducting child custody evaluations.
Child Custody Laws Mississippi
Parental divorce requires a restructuring of parental rights and responsibilities in relation to children. If the parents can agree to a restructuring arrangement, which they do in the overwhelming proportion (90%) of divorce custody cases ( Melton, Petrila, Poythress, & Slobogin, 1987 ), there is no dispute for the court to decide. However, if the parents are unable to reach such an agreement, the court must help to determine the relative allocation of decision making authority and physical contact each parent will have with the child. The courts typically apply a "best interest of the child" standard in determining this restructuring of rights and responsibilities.
Psychologists provide an important service to children and the courts by providing competent, objective, impartial information in assessing the best interests of the child; by demonstrating a clear sense of direction and purpose in conducting a child custody evaluation; by performing their roles ethically; and by clarifying to all involved the nature and scope of the evaluation. The Ethics Committee of the American Psychological Association has noted that psychologists' involvement in custody disputes has at times raised questions in regard to the misuse of psychologists' influence, sometimes resulting in complaints against psychologists being brought to the attention of the APA Ethics Committee ( APA Ethics Committee, 1985 ; Hall & Hare-Mustin, 1983 ; Keith-Spiegel & Koocher, 1985 ; Mills, 1984 ) and raising questions in the legal and forensic literature ( Grisso, 1986 ; Melton et al., 1987 ; Mnookin, 1975 ; Ochroch, 1982 ; Okpaku, 1976 ; Weithorn, 1987 ).
Particular competencies and knowledge are required for child custody evaluations to provide adequate and appropriate psychological services to the court. Child custody evaluation in the context of parental divorce can be an extremely demanding task. For competing parents the stakes are high as they participate in a process fraught with tension and anxiety. The stress on the psychologist/evaluator can become great. Tension surrounding child custody evaluation can become further heightened when there are accusations of child abuse, neglect, and/or family violence.
Psychology is in a position to make significant contributions to child custody decisions. Psychological data and expertise, gained through a child custody evaluation, can provide an additional source of information and an additional perspective not otherwise readily available to the court on what appears to be in a child's best interest, and thus can increase the fairness of the determination the court must make.
Arkansas Child Custody Laws
Guidelines for Child Custody Evaluations in Divorce Proceedings
I. Orienting Guidelines: Purpose of a Child Custody Evaluation
1. The primary purpose of the evaluation is to assess the best psychological interests of the child.
The primary consideration in a child custody evaluation is to assess the individual and family factors that affect the best psychological interests of the child. More specific questions may be raised by the court.
2. The child's interests and well-being are paramount.
In a child custody evaluation, the child's interests and well-being are paramount. Parents competing for custody, as well as others, may have legitimate concerns, but the child's best interests must prevail.
3. The focus of the evaluation is on parenting capacity, the psychological and developmental needs of the child, and the resulting fit.
In considering psychological factors affecting the best interests of the child, the psychologist focuses on the parenting capacity of the prospective custodians in conjunction with the psychological and developmental needs of each involved child. This involves (a) an assessment of the adults' capacities for parenting, including whatever knowledge, attributes, skills, and abilities, or lack thereof, are present; (b) an assessment of the psychological functioning and developmental needs of each child and of the wishes of each child where appropriate; and (c) an assessment of the functional ability of each parent to meet these needs, including an evaluation of the interaction between each adult and child.
Child Custody Laws Missouri
The values of the parents relevant to parenting, ability to plan for the child's future needs, capacity to provide a stable and loving home, and any potential for inappropriate behavior or misconduct that might negatively influence the child also are considered. Psychopathology may be relevant to such an assessment, insofar as it has impact on the child or the ability to parent, but it is not the primary focus.
Arizona Child Custody Laws
II. General Guidelines: Preparing for a Child Custody Evaluation
4. The role of the psychologist is that of a professional expert who strives to maintain an objective, impartial stance.
The role of the psychologist is as a professional expert. The psychologist does not act as a judge, who makes the ultimate decision applying the law to all relevant evidence. Neither does the psychologist act as an advocating attorney, who strives to present his or her client's best possible case. The psychologist, in a balanced, impartial manner, informs and advises the court and the prospective custodians of the child of the relevant psychological factors pertaining to the custody issue. The psychologist should be impartial regardless of whether he or she is retained by the court or by a party to the proceedings. If either the psychologist or the client cannot accept this neutral role, the psychologist should consider withdrawing from the case. If not permitted to withdraw, in such circumstances, the psychologist acknowledges past roles and other factors that could affect impartiality.
5. The psychologist gains specialized competence.
A psychologist contemplating performing child custody evaluations is aware that special competencies and knowledge are required for the undertaking of such evaluations. Competence in performing psychological assessments of children, adults, and families is necessary but not sufficient. Education, training, experience, and/or supervision in the areas of child and family development, child and family psychopathology, and the impact of divorce on children help to prepare the psychologist to participate competently in child custody evaluations. The psychologist also strives to become familiar with applicable legal standards and procedures, including laws governing divorce and custody adjudications in his or her state or jurisdiction.
The psychologist uses current knowledge of scientific and professional developments, consistent with accepted clinical and scientific standards, in selecting data collection methods and procedures. The Standards for Educational and Psychological Testing ( APA, 1985 ) are adhered to in the use of psychological tests and other assessment tools.
California Child Custody Laws
In the course of conducting child custody evaluations, allegations of child abuse, neglect, family violence, or other issues may occur that are not necessarily within the scope of a particular evaluator's expertise. If this is so, the psychologist seeks additional consultation, supervision, and/or specialized knowledge, training, or experience in child abuse, neglect, and family violence to address these complex issues. The psychologist is familiar with the laws of his or her state addressing child abuse, neglect, and family violence and acts accordingly.
6. The psychologist is aware of personal and societal biases and engages in nondiscriminatory practice.
The psychologist engaging in child custody evaluations is aware of how biases regarding age, gender, race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, disability, language, culture, and socioeconomic status may interfere with an objective evaluation and recommendations. The psychologist recognizes and strives to overcome any such biases or withdraws from the evaluation.
7. The psychologist avoids multiple relationships.
Psychologists generally avoid conducting a child custody evaluation in a case in which the psychologist served in a therapeutic role for the child or his or her immediate family or has had other involvement that may compromise the psychologist's objectivity. This should not, however, preclude the psychologist from testifying in the case as a fact witness concerning treatment of the child. In addition, during the course of a child custody evaluation, a psychologist does not accept any of the involved participants in the evaluation as a therapy client. Therapeutic contact with the child or involved participants following a child custody evaluation is undertaken with caution.
A psychologist asked to testify regarding a therapy client who is involved in a child custody case is aware of the limitations and possible biases inherent in such a role and the possible impact on the ongoing therapeutic relationship. Although the court may require the psychologist to testify as a fact witness regarding factual information he or she became aware of in a professional relationship with a client, that psychologist should generally decline the role of an expert witness who gives a professinal opinion regarding custody and visitation issues (see Ethical Standard 7.03) unless so ordered by the court.
Colorado Child Custody Laws
III. Procedural Guidelines: Conducting a Child Custody Evaluation
8. The scope of the evaluation is determined by the evaluator, based on the nature of the referral question.
The scope of the custody-related evaluation is determined by the nature of the question or issue raised by the referring person or the court, or is inherent in the situation. Although comprehensive child custody evaluations generally require an evaluation of all parents or guardians and children, as well as observations of interactions between them, the scope of the assessment in a particular case may be limited to evaluating the parental capacity of one parent without attempting to compare the parents or to make recommendations. Likewise, the scope may be limited to evaluating the child. Or a psychologist may be asked to critique the assumptions and methodology of the assessment of another mental health professional. A psychologist also might serve as an expert witness in the area of child development, providing expertise to the court without relating it specifically to the parties involved in a case.
9. The psychologist obtains informed consent from all adult participants and, as appropriate, informs child participants.
In undertaking child custody evaluations, the psychologist ensures that each adult participant is aware of (a) the purpose, nature, and method of the evaluation; (b) who has requested the psychologist's services; and (c) who will be paying the fees. The psychologist informs adult participants about the nature of the assessment instruments and techniques and informs those participants about the possible disposition of the data collected. The psychologist provides this information, as appropriate, to children, to the extent that they are able to understand.
10. The psychologist informs participants about the limits of confidentiality and the disclosure of information.
A psychologist conducting a child custody evaluation ensures that the participants, including children to the extent feasible, are aware of the limits of confidentiality characterizing the professional relationship with the psychologist. The psychologist informs participants that in consenting to the evaluation, they are consenting to disclosure of the evaluation's findings in the context of the forthcoming litigation and in any other proceedings deemed necessary by the courts. A psychologist obtains a waiver of confidentiality from all adult participants or from their authorized legal representatives.
11. The psychologist uses multiple methods of data gathering.
The psychologist strives to use the most appropriate methods available for addressing the questions raised in a specific child custody evaluation and generally uses multiple methods of data gathering, including, but not limited to, clinical interviews, observation, and/or psychological assessments. Important facts and opinions are documented from at least two sources whenever their reliability is questionable. The psychologist, for example, may review potentially relevant reports (e.g., from schools, health care providers, child care providers, agencies, and institutions). Psychologists may also interview extended family, friends, and other individuals on occasions when the information is likely to be useful. If information is gathered from third parties that is significant and may be used as a basis for conclusions, psychologists corroborate it by at least one other source wherever possible and appropriate and document this in the report.
12. The psychologist neither overinterprets nor inappropriately interprets clinical or assessment data.
The psychologist refrains from drawing conclusions not adequately supported by the data. The psychologist interprets any data from interviews or tests, as well as any questions of data reliability and validity, cautiously and conservatively, seeking convergent validity. The psychologist strives to acknowledge to the court any limitations in methods or data used.
13. The psychologist does not give any opinion regarding the psychological functioning of any individual who has not been personally evaluated.
This guideline, however, does not preclude the psychologist from reporting what an evaluated individual (such as the parent or child) has stated or from addressing theoretical issues or hypothetical questions, so long as the limited basis of the information is noted.
14. Recommendations, if any, are based on what is in the best psychological interests of the child.
Although the profession has not reached consensus about whether psychologists ought to make recommendations about the final custody determination to the courts, psychologists are obligated to be aware of the arguments on both sides of this issue and to be able to explain the logic of their position concerning their own practice.
If the psychologist does choose to make custody recommendations, these recommendations should be derived from sound psychological data and must be based on the best interests of the child in the particular case. Recommendations are based on articulated assumptions, data, interpretations, and inferences based upon established professional and scientific standards. Psychologists guard against relying on their own biases or unsupported beliefs in rendering opinions in particular cases.
15. The psychologist clarifies financial arrangements.
Financial arrangements are clarified and agreed upon prior to commencing a child custody evaluation. When billing for a child custody evaluation, the psychologist does not misrepresent his or her services for reimbursement purposes.
16. The psychologist maintains written records.
All records obtained in the process of conducting a child custody evaluation are properly maintained and filed in accord with the APA Record Keeping Guidelines ( APA, 1993 ) and relevant statutory guidelines.
All raw data and interview information are recorded with an eye toward their possible review by other psychologists or the court, where legally permitted. Upon request, appropriate reports are made available to the court.
Parenthood
Not so long ago I wrote a few articles about my religious convictions (I have none) and the possibility of those for my son. He doesn't have any, yet, that I know of. After all, he's a wee nine months old.
Recently, Time Magazine posted an article about a couple denied the ability to adopt a child because of their religious beliefs. The husband is an atheist and the wife is a pantheist. Before I read this short article I admit I didn't even know what a pantheist was.
John and Cynthia Burke, originally of Newark, New Jersey, who were almost not allowed to adopt their son over thirty years ago for the same reason, were denied the ability to adopt toddler Eleanor Katherine due to their lack of religious beliefs--or, rather, lack of belief in God as a single deity. The judge denied them the right based on New Jersey's constitution that states "no person shall be deprived of the inestimable privilege of worshiping Almighty God in a manner agreeable to the dictates of his own conscience."
Apparently that applies to people who are less than two years old and probably do not have any idea of a higher power. It's possible, perhaps, but questionable. So little Eleanor is once again denied a home, with two people whom the judge claimed had good morals and were ethical. Naturally the Burkes are appealing.
Connecticut Child Custody Laws
I can see the point in a way--many people believe it is imperative to provide some sort of religious backdrop when raising a child. Many, however, do not feel it's necessary and believe the child can make his or her own decisions when ready--and that could be at any age.
I simply feel terrible for the Burkes and very saddened for the little girl. The chance for adoption is, as we know, like catching a shooting star in some ways. This little girl had a chance for a loving home and family. Now she's back in an orphanage where she doesn't belong.
Even if you don't necessarily agree with me, or with the judge in this case, don't you think Eleanor deserves to be in a home and not in an orphanage? It's not like these people are murderers or drug dealers or something of that nature. In fact, as the judge himself pointed out they seem like wonderful people.
I hate to see a child denied the right to a family. When there are so many, many children out there without homes it seems foolish to deny one of them the ability to go home.
Child Custody and Access
He hurt you.
You took the kids and left him.
Now he wants the kids.
Q. WHY SHOULD I APPLY FOR CUSTODY?
A. If your husband or boyfriend hurt or scared you and you left him and took the children, you should apply for custody of the children. There are ways he can use the kids to hurt you more.
Child Custody Laws Montana
He may tell you he will take the kids away.
He may actually take the kids.
He may tell the police you took the kids from him.
He may not give you money for the care of the children.
He may tell you he can visit the kids any time he wants.
A custody agreement will set out what he can and cannot do.
"When I left Marc, I didn't think I needed to apply for custody since he never seemed interested in our daughters and didn't know the first thing about caring for them. After he saw that I wasn't coming back, he applied for custody and told the police that I had abducted them."
Delaware Child Custody Laws
Q. DO I NEED A LAWYER?
A. It is really important to have a lawyer who will represent your rights and concerns especially if your ex-partner hurt you or scares you.
Q. DO I NEED TO GO TO COURT?
A. If your ex-partner and you cannot agree on a custody plan, you will have to go to court. The court will decide on custody based on "the best interests of the child".
Courts want kids to see both parents. This can be hard if your ex is abusive and you worry about your kids' safety.
Florida Child Custody Laws
Q. WHAT SHOULD I TELL THE COURT?
A. Tell the court:
your current pattern of care - what you already do for the child
if you have a stable home life
your plan for the future of the child
ALSO REMEMBER:
New changes to the law in February 2006 require judges to consider family violence in custody and access cases. The test the court must apply in determining an application for custody of or access to a child/ren is the best interests of the child test.
Some of the things the court consider include:
Georgia Child Custody Laws
The love, affection and emotional ties between the child and each person claiming custody or access; ties to other family members living with the child; or persons involved in their care
The child's views and preferences;
Ability of each person applying for custody of or access to the child to act as a parent;
YOU OR YOUR LAWYER MUST TELL THE COURT:
If there is violence in your relationship with your child/ren's father, how this violence has affected your child/dren
About any violence (not just physical) or abuse against you; your child; or any other member of the household that has occurred at any time
The changes to the law are new. It is important that your legal representative advise the court of this information.
If you leave your abusive partner and take the kids... according to the law you must allow him access to the kids. Talk to the police, CAS and a lawyer if you fear for their safety.
If it is unsafe for you to see your ex but he has access to the kids... make sure there is someone around when he comes to pick them up or drop them off.
Child Custody Laws Nebraska
In both of these cases you may be able to arrange supervised access.
"I knew my ex would try to get the kids if I ever left him. Before I moved out I got a lawyer and filled out a custody application. On the day I left, I sent him a note saying the kids were safe and that my lawyer would call to arrange access."
Hawaii Child Custody Laws
CUSTODY AND ACCESS TERMS
Custody and access describes how kids are cared for after parents separate. The parent or parents with custody will have the power to make decisions for the kids. Parents apply for custody.
Sole Custody - one parent has all the responsibility for caring for the child and making all of the decisions in the child's life. The non-custodial parent will usually have 'access' to the child.
Child Custody Laws Nevada
Joint Custody - both parents are responsible for caring for the child and making decisions affecting the child.
Shared Parenting - another term for 'joint custody'.
Iowa Child Custody Laws
Access - the time a parent spends visiting with their child. This is sometimes called visitation.
Supervised Access - happens when there are concerns about the access parent's ability to care for the children. The access may be supervised by family members, friends or in a formal supervised access centre.
Primary Residence - is the parent's home where the child will be spending most of her or his time.
Non-traditional couples
Non-traditional couples who want to have children have many options. Adoption and artificial insemination are two well known choices. Both of these choices can be expensive. If a couple chooses the sperm donor route, is it a better choice to use an anonymous donor or someone they know?
Four years ago, Tamila Payne and Jennie Ferguson, a lesbian couple living in Illinois, wanted to start a family. They approached Ferguson's uncle, Mark Lee, to be a sperm donor for Payne. The situation seemed ideal for the couple, because the baby would have genetic ties to both women. The women also felt like this would avoid the high costs associated with using a sperm bank and the attorney's fees incurred during artificial insemination.
The couple did not consult an attorney, and Payne actually impregnated herself with a syringe at home. In 2004, Payne gave birth to their son, Noah. Mark Lee was even listed on Noah's birth certificate as his father and resided with the couple for awhile in their home.
Child Custody Laws New Hampshire
What seemed like a perfect plan for this family has turned into a legal nightmare. The couple's relationship ended, and Noah continued to live with his biological mother, Tamila Payne. Noah spent weekends with Lee and Ferguson until he began refusing to go and becoming more and more upset with the visitation arrangement.
Lee is now suing Payne for custody of Noah. Because he was listed as the child's father on the birth certificate, it appears that he has different rights than an ordinary sperm donor. Additionally, he has been a part of Noah's life since birth. What is worse is that Ferguson has no legal rights whatsoever, because no legal agreement ever existed between the parties that outlined everyone's role in Noah's life.
The case seems to get more complicated. The court assigned an amicus attorney to assist the court in protecting the child's best interests. This attorney has recommended that Lee be given primary custody of Noah, with Payne having visitation for one weekend a month.
I am conflicted about the facts of this case. First, how in the world did this turn into a mother getting visitation only once a month? Additionally, should Lee be given the same consideration under the law as a traditional father? He is, by all definitions, the child's father, both legally and physically. Third, is it really fair to Ferguson that she has no rights whatsoever because no piece of paper exists that identifies her legal relationship to Noah?
Unfortunately, this family's choice, made in an attempt to save money and do what they felt was best for their family, has proven to cost considerably more than they ever could have anticipated. The court system is supposed to consider what is in the best interest of the child. In such a complicated situation, what is truly in Noah's best interest? Will he be able to continue his relationship with all of the people who came together to give him life? Is there really an outcome to this situation that works best for everyone, especially Noah?
When children are taken into foster care due to alleged abandonment, abuse or neglect, it sets in motion a series of events, including various hearings in juvenile dependency court.
Juvenile dependency court is unlike any other court.
Many of the families of removed children are indigent. Parents attorneys’ and children’s attorneys are typically court-appointed. They handle hundreds of cases per year.
They barely know their clients, let alone the parents and the family’s circumstances.
Idaho Child Custody Laws
Yet these overburdened court-appointed attorneys are the just about the only thing standing between children - and removal from their parents and families.
The courts don’t allow much time for parents to defend return of children to their families. In California, sometimes just five minutes or less.
That’s all the time a judge has to get the facts and determine the best outcome. Informed only by attorneys and case workers who have inadequate time and too large caseloads to sort out the truth and come up with solutions.
And so children are removed from their homes … whether or not they should be …
Illinois Child Custody Laws
Your interests can always be better represented by an attorney. You already know that.
But are there times when self-representation is, well, "good enough"?
The following are some very general guidelines about the safest situations in which to represent yourself and the riskiest situations for self-representation. Needless to say, these general guidelines may not apply in your particular case.
Safest Self-Representation Cases:
a marriage in which both partners worked throughout the marriage, earn comparable salaries, have no minor children together and have accumulated no property together to speak of, especially if the marriage is very brief to relatively brief
Indiana Child Custody Laws
a marriage in which neither partner worked steadily or earns much money, they have no minor children together and they have accumulated no property to speak of, especially if the marriage is very brief to relatively brief
a very brief to relatively brief marriage in which the partners have no minor children together and have accumulated no property to speak of
a marriage in which both partners worked throughout the marriage and earn comparable salaries, have accumulated no property together to speak of and where both partners are excellent, involved parents to their minor children together and each parent wants the other parent to stay very involved in the life of their child(ren)
Child Custody Laws New Jersey
a marriage in which neither partner works steadily or earns much money, they have accumulated no property to speak of and both partners are excellent, involved parents to their minor children together and each parent wants the other parent to stay very involved in the life of their child(ren)
any marriage in which the partners have no children together and they are aware of and able to agree on how to divide all property and all support issues and, probably, their agreement is not patently unfair
any marriage in which the partners are aware of and able to agree on how to divide all property and all support issues, their agreement provides adequately for the care of the children and reasonable visitation with the non-custodial parent and, probably, their agreement is not patently unfair in regard to financial matters
Riskiest Self-Representation Cases (or Do Yourself a Big Favor and Figure Out A Way to Retain a Lawyer):
either partner has a criminal record
Kansas Child Custody Laws
either partner is accused of domestic violence, including child abuse
either partner is accused of sexual abuse
either partner is accused of non-physical abuse (verbal, emotional, psychological, psychic, etc.)
either partner is neglectful and/or irresponsible
either partner suffers from inadequately treated mental illness
either partner has a physical disability or other significant health issue
either partner is not mentally competent (example, Alzheimer's disease)
either partner abuses alcohol or any other substance
Kentucky Child Custody Laws
either partner is accused of abandonment
either partner is accused of poor parenting skills or judgment
Child Custody Laws New Mexico
either partner or caretaker of children is accused of illegal immigrant status
either partner is overextended financially and on the verge of bankruptcy
either partner owns a privately held business
either partner has a history of defaulting in financial obligations such as court-ordered support of other children or previous spouse
either partner is believed to be hiding assets
either partner is believed to work for cash payments
Louisiana Child Custody Laws
either partner has a history of willful refusal to work for a living
either partner has recently moved to another state, particularly if a child of the relationship was taken
either partner has recently moved to another county, particularly if a child of the relationship was taken
either partner has threatened to run off with the children
either partner has tried to limit or interfere with visitation of the children
Massachusetts Child Custody Laws
either partner has badmouthed the other to the children
either partner has stated that the other is able to support the children without assistance
either partner has warned that he or she will not provide any financial support where the other partner may be entitled to it
either partner is just plain disagreeable for the sake of it
the other partner's lawyer is just plain disagreeable for the sake of it
Maryland Child Custody Laws
the other partner's lawyer is consistently extremely aggressive, contentious and intimidating
the case has already started and the judge has strongly encouraged you to hire a lawyer or
the case has already started and the judge really doesn't seem to be seeing things your way at all
What does having custody of a child in California mean?
In Florida, having custody of a child means having the responsibility for taking care of the needs of a person under the age of 18 years of age. Custody may be further defined as "physical custody" and "legal custody."
Physical custody means the physical care and supervision of a child.1
Child Custody Laws North Carolina
Legal custody is a legal position created by a court order which gives the custodian the right to have physical custody of the child and the right and duty to protect, train, and discipline the child and to provide the child with food, shelter, education, and ordinary medical care.
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Who is entitled to custody of a child?
Both parents are entitled to custody in Florida. It is the public policy in Florida to assure that each minor child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents and to encourage parents to share the rights and responsibilities, and joys, of child rearing. Unless the court determines that it would be detrimental to the child, the court will order that parental responsibility be shared. In making a determination about custody, the court must decide what are the best interests of the child. For information on what are the best interests of the child, see the response to question on this page: "How will a judge make a decision about custody?" 2
Note: In Florida, a member of a child's extended family may be granted temporary custody of a child. For more information see the response to the question on this page: "I am a member of the extended family (brother, sister, grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin) of a child who is living with me. Can I get custody of the child?"
Child Custody Laws Ohio
Note: When there are reasonable grounds to believe ("probable cause") that a child has been abused, neglected, or abandoned or is in imminent of danger of illness or injury because of abuse, neglect or abandonment, a child may be "taken into custody" by a law enforcement officer or other authorized person and placed with a non-relative who is a responsible adult approved by the Department of Children and Family Services. When a child is "taken into custody" in this manner, a temporary status of "custody" is created involving complicated legal procedures. Please contact a lawyer if you need help regarding a child who has been taken into custody. If you need assistance in finding a lawyer, you may call the bar association in your county. Also, the organizations listed on our FL Links & Resources page will be able to refer you to a lawyer or another organization that will be able to assist you.3
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Child Custody laws Indiana
When parents divorce, they have to decide where the child will live. They also have to make decisions regarding the upbringing of the child. Child custody laws describe the rights and responsibilities of parents for their child.
Physical custody will generally describe who the child will live with. The parent may agree on physical custody, or the court may order a parenting plan. In general, a child will live primarily with one parent. The parent would be considered as sole physical custody. The other parent would be non-custodial parent. If the child lives equally with both parents, the parents are said to have joint physical custody.
Legal custody will generally describe the decision making on upbringing of the child. In most cases, both parents will have joint legal custody of the child. However, the court awards sole custody to one of the parents in some cases.
Legal custody is very different from physical custody. For instance, a parent with legal custody has the right to decide on the child’s medical care, dental care, education, and religion. However, the child may or may not live with that parent. It is important for the parent to understand the difference before making a request for legal custody.
Legal battles over child custody can be long and expensive. Both parents will need to pay very expensive legal fees to family courts and family law attorneys. If it is possible, parents should come to an agreement on physical and legal custody of the child without the family courts
Child Custody laws Indiana
define temporary custody of a child as a decision made by the parents at the time of separation. Sometimes what could be in the best interest of the child at the time of separation might not be the best for the child down the road.
Legal custody is the next step of the Oklahoma child custody process. This is determined by which parent is able to make the legal choices for the child. The choices include education, health care, religion, and what’s in the best interest for the child’s general welfare. Joint custody and legal custody are two different things in Oklahoma. Joint legal custody splits the decision making responsibilities between the parents while sole legal custody allocates all of the decision making power to one parent.
Physical custody is where the child will actually get to live. This is split into two categories; sole physical custody and joint physical custody. Sole physical custody is given to the parent that the child actually gets to live with. The other parent is limited to visitation right determined through mediation or by the Oklahoma court system. Joint physical custody is a very rare circumstance in the state of Oklahoma. Joint physical custody would allow the child to live with both of the parents for a given set of time. Rarely is it determined that joint physical custody is in the best interest of the child. The courts in Oklahoma do not judge parents on gender, school district or the life they live. In difficult times it is important to know that the decision will be made based off of what is in the best interest of the child.
Child Custody laws California:
Child custody is a major proceeding involved in divorce cases. It is done to determine who shall have custody of the child or children. As child custody cases are rather sensitive issues, it is always advisable to hire an efficient child custody lawyer.
Child custody laws in Indiana are similar to those in other states. The Arizona court laws decide on child custody according to the child's best interests. Other factors considered by the court include the wishes of the parents, the interaction and interrelationship of the child with the parents, and the degree to which the parents have compelled the child in the child custody agreement. The child's adjustment to home, school, and community as well as the mental and physical health of all individuals involved are also discussed.
The court has the right to order either a sole custody or a joint custody agreement. Joint custody shall not be awarded if the court finds the existence of significant domestic violence or a history of domestic violence. Unless restricted by court order or law, both parents are entitled to have equal access to information concerning the child's education as well as physical, mental, moral, and emotional health, including medical, school, police, court, and other records.
Indiana child custody lawyers insist on all possible legal rights for children and guide them through a suitable course of action. Effective, concerned, and at times aggressive legal representation is essential to obtain a suitable verdict. Only thorough, preventive estate planning with the assistance of child custody lawyers can protect a family and ensure that assets are inherited by chosen individuals.
A Indiana child custody lawyer has to be engaged as early as possible because time is a very crucial factor in preparing and analyzing child custody cases. The rates of Arizona child custody lawyers are around the national average.
Indiana child custody lawyers are members of the Arizona Trial Lawyers Association and the Association of Trial Lawyers of America as well as the American Bar Association.
Child Custody laws Oklahoma:
If you are having a child custody dispute with your ex-spouse, it is in your own interests that you should familiarize yourself with the child custody law. This will give you a better understanding as to how the law works.
Child custody has two basic aspects to it. One is legal custody and the other is physical custody. Legal custody gives the parent the responsibility regarding the child’s health, education and welfare. The parent also has to make the appropriate decision for the child. If only one parent is given the legal custody of the child, then that parent has to make all the decisions and he / she does not have to consult the other parent while making the decision.
There can be situations where both parents have the legal custody of the child. In those circumstances, the decision on the child’s health, education and welfare has to be made by both parents jointly. Usually this sort of situation does not arise as the court knows that the parents may not agree with each other.
Physical custody allows the child to live with one parent. Sole physical custody is that when the child lives primarily with one parent and while the other parent has visitation rights or the child can visit the parent at his / her home.
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Then there is joint custody where the child spends equal time with both the parents.
Physical custody is the most contentious issue as both parents end up fighting for the child. However, it is the court that decides after taking the child’s interests into consideration. There is no doubt that it is not practical for the child to spend equal time with both the parents. It can also cause psychological trauma to the child. That is why parents have to focus on the child’s interest rather than on each others shortcomings.
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If you are going through a divorce, you should sit with your spouse and first work out the custody arrangements and everything associated with it. Once you have reached this arrangement with mutual consent, you can be sure the arrangement would have the best chance of working out rather than those enforced by the court when there is a legal battle for the child.
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Child custody laws vary from state to state. However, when looking into child custody laws, there are some general laws that apply. It is important that when dealing with a custody case, you have a full understanding of how the different laws will affect your individual case.
Most often, the court that has jurisdiction over the divorce proceedings, also has say so in the custody of the children. Whenever a child is born to parents who are married, they both have equal legal rights to the custody of the child should they separate.
The most important consideration in a child custody case is what is in the best interest of the child. The child's well being takes precedence over the parents wants and desires. Some states believe it is in the best interest of the child to maintain frequent contact with both Mom and Dad. Often times, the parent who is able to be the most supportive of this notion is appointed as the custodial parent.
The custodial parent is the term used for the parent who spends the majority of time with the child. Therefore, a non-custodial parent is the term used for the parent who spends less time with the child.
Child Custody laws South Carolina: Most states have an arrangement is place, should both parents disagree on custody of the child. Often times, the parents are required to attend mediation in order to work out a visitation plan that both Mom and Dad can agree upon. With mediation, the parents meet with a neutral third party, who then helps the parents to try and resolve their differences, as they relate to custody.
However, if mediation fails, the parents can then take matters into court. They can present both sides of their cases to the judge and let him or her make the final decision as to the custody of the child.
Child custody cases can be extremely difficult and expensive. A mutual agreement is preferred, since joint custody is more likely to be utilized, than if a judge were to make the decision for the parents.
There are many factors that come into play in the case of child custody. Since the laws vary from state to state, it is important that a local lawyer be consulted. Be sure to familiarize yourself with the laws of your state, before going forward with a child custody case.
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Abusing women is becoming an epidemic in the current world. Witnessing a physical assault on their mother and growing in such an environment can have a devastating impact on the growing minds of children. According to a research conducted by American Judges Association, 75 percent of child custody cases that go through intense battle between the parents involve history of domestic abuse. And interestingly, the men who perpetrate domestic violence on the mothers often contest for the custody of the child. But, there is a sharp contrast in the decisions taken by different courts with respect to battered mothers and child custody.
According to a research report published by Battered Mothers Testimony Project (BMTP) in 2002, courts are biased towards battered mothers. Courts have been inefficient in protecting battered mothers and children from physical abuse. Often, fathers or batterers are preferred more than the battered mothers in awarding the custody of the child. According to the findings of BMTP, courts have violated human rights. They have allowed the batterers to continue with their abuse through court system. During the court proceedings, mothers are treated with disrespect by the investigators. They are harassed emotionally and financially.
According to a gender based study conducted by Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Gender Bias Task Force, many judges, investigators and family service officers usually ignore physical abuse of women while determining this and visitation. Even if any woman accuses her husband of physical abuse, it is considered as an act of revenge. Surprisingly, during many of these trials, the batterers have been awarded with either joint custody or sole custody of the child. According to this report, in almost 94 percent of the cases involving battered mothers and child custody, the fathers have received sole or joint child custody.
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When searching for child custody information, it's important to research all the child custody laws in your state and become familiar with the terminology used. Though all the child custody laws may not affect your case now, you never know what's going to happen before your case is settled. That's why it's important to gather as much child custody information as you can find because, in this all important battle, you don't want to have any surprises later on.
Since child custody issues are played out in the legal field, the most important place a parent needs to go for the complete range of child custody information is a lawyer. A lawyer will help you to analyze your unique situation and find a solution that fits you and your children best. They will know the intricacies of the law and can assist you through any unusual situation you might be facing.
Before you talk with a lawyer, make sure that they are familiar with child custody cases and will truly fight for you and your children. After all, you don't want to take the child custody information you receive and realize later that the lawyer's advice was outdated or that he hadn't told you about certain laws or their implications on your case. This is why the first thing you should research when looking for child custody information is how to find the right attorney.
The right attorney can make a world of difference in your child custody case. Likewise, the wrong attorney can take a strong case and misrepresent it or fail to get it in front of the judge.
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So how do you go about finding accurate and comprehensive child custody information? Look online to see if you can find ebooks, resources and support groups that can advise you during this tumultuous time. Find forums where you can ask experienced parents and informative counselors or lawyers all the questions you need. The library is always a great place to find free information as well, but you will need to make sure that you are looking at the most recent edition of the law before you make any decisions.
Without comprehensive child custody information, you'll find yourself constantly wondering if you did the right thing. Take the time to do the research now, and you'll not only be better prepared, but you'll have better peace of mind with your decisions.
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When you are faced with child custody challenges you need the right Florida custody lawyer working on your behalf. You want to make sure you have good representation at the onset. The amount of money you may spend finding the right Florida child custody lawyer is worth the benefits, but you must do your due diligence.
A good Florida child custody lawyer should be a Certified Family Law Specialist or a member of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. These qualifications mean they have specialized in Family Law. Although having these credential don’t guarantee your outcome, it does mean they know there way around Florida child custody laws.
You want to start your search for a Florida child custody lawyer by using referrals from family and friends, online directories, Bar Association referrals, Yellow Pages and the like. Ask for a free consultation. This will give the lawyer an opportunity to apply for the job of representing you in this matter. If you look at the consultation in this manner you will ask more questions of the applicant (lawyer). Remember, this is a consultation. When initially consulting with a Florida child custody lawyer you aren't under any obligation to retain there services. This is the best time to get all your questions answered. Ask them if they are familiar with the judges who handle custody cases in you area. What is the norm for a case such as yours? Give them details. You want to interview with at least three different lawyers to get a feel for their knowledge. It won't be hard finding a Florida child custody lawyer eager to take on your case, but you must feel comfortable with their level of competence.
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After completing your one on one consultations you should have a few good Florida child custody lawyers to choose from to represent you. Find out what their current caseload is so you will know how much time they will have to spend on your particular case. It is also a good idea to check them out with the Florida Better Business Bureau and the Florida Bar Association. You want to know if there are claims against the lawyer by others they have represented in the past.
Divorce and child custody cases are trying times, but you must use the best Florida child custody attorney you can find and afford. You should feel confident that your lawyer can best assist you in winning your child custody case.
Child Custody laws in Virginia:
That is the ultimate question that will pop up once a divorce started to run on the wheels of court. Along with the legal arguments and circumstances to nullify a marriage, there are also legal remedies that will be brought out to family courts to decide on the primary custody of the children.
In most instances, there are divorced parents who come into a mutual agreement with regards to the physical custody of their children. They set aside their differences and arrive on a shared custody of the children which means that they share a 50/50 legal as well as the physical custody of the children. As parents, they have nothing in mind but to raise the children in a loving environment that they used to have when divorce was not yet in the picture. Coming into a mutual agreement is a good move for settling the custody dispute of the children.
However, there are also instances where settling the custody dispute does not come with an immediate solution. Divorced parents are still battling out on the legalities of issues with regards to the legal custody of the children that needs to be brought out into family courts.
Just like any other cases filed in court, there is a hearing that will be conducted as an avenue for legal arguments and law interpretation. And your child custody lawyer will be doing the legal matters inside the courtroom.
A child custody lawyer will be your legal representative in family courts and will be the one who will establish your right for the custody of your children. By using out all legal remedies as well as circumstantial evidence that may be present, he will try to give to you the legal authority over your children.
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Aside from being your representative in legal arguments, he will also be assessing your potential win in child custody cases. Often times, he will conduct a case review where he will evaluate all the details of your case as well as the remedies that you can use in battling out for your right over the custody of your children.
In addition, he will also be interpreting the laws of the state where the child custody case falls. Since laws vary from state to state, it is important that you also have an idea on state laws governing child custody. That is why it is wise that you get a child custody lawyer based within the state’s jurisdiction. Wide knowledge with regards to state laws will be your lawyer’s defense in battling for your custodial rights.
But remember, even when the child custody lawyer that you have hired is really good, the case will be decided by the judge according to the laws of the state as well as the pieces of evidence that you have presented. Your lawyer will be the one who will argue for your right, but certainly he will not be the one to dictate the outcome of your child custody case. It is still within you if you will win the case. That is why as mentioned earlier, most child custody lawyers conduct case review first before plunging in to legal arguments in courts.
Your children are at stake here—getting a child custody lawyer is a way to fight for your right to them.
Child Custody laws West Virginia:
I will not say there is no Federal law, but most all child custody law is determined by individual states, each having laws pertaining to that individual state. The state which, is the child's established residency, is the state that will hold jurisdiction. These states usually have basic laws and regulations similar to each but you must know the law of the exact state because no two are the same.
General child laws include determining what is in the best interest of the child. State law is not interested in what is better for one parent of another. Most states generally agree that continued contact between the children and both parents are most effective.
Determining custody has many factors involved, including but not limited to; finances, health and the lifestyle chosen by a parent. Other factors are the children's age, sex and current living conditions as well as the children's feelings if old enough to give input.
Child Custody laws Wisconsin:
Child custody law is basically made up of two types of law, legal and physical.
Legal gives both parents or one of the parent's legal rights involving religious beliefs, health, education choices, activities, etc. If one parent is given these rights the other cannot legally stop these decisions. Both parents can have legal child custody.
Physical is when a child lives with one parent more than the other. When this occurs the parent who does not have physical rights can still have legal rights. Physical child custody can also involve joint physical custody where both parents share custody about an equal part of the time.
Child custody laws account for determining visitation rights for the parent who does not have physical child custody as well as child support payment decisions when applicable.
The only sure way to be ready to protect yourself and your child when these cases are to be determined is to be prepared. You cannot take for granted the kids are coming with you. Remember what you will do to gain child custody? What would you not do? Your ex is thinking the same thing right now.
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You must be prepared before you obtain a lawyer, retaining the wrong lawyer cannot only be expensive but more importantly will hinder your best chance win.
You and your child deserve the best possible future, all the horror stories about divorce and child custody are not always true, but when they are they become nightmares for a parent who does not know where or who to confide in, in these trying circumstances
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So You’re Thinking About Getting a Divorce
If you are reading this ebook, then you belong to one of three groups of people:
.. you’re unhappy in your marriage and considering a divorce
.. you’re already going through the divorcing process or,
.. you know of someone who is either contemplating divorce or in the midst of one.
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Whatever the situation, you’ve made an excellent decision in choosing this free ebook because as you will find that it will provide you with tons of information, resources, tips and advice on the divorcing process.
And besides being free, what separates this ebook from all of the others found on the Internet, is all the information contained within this ebook will not require you to move an inch away from your computer to access it. That’s pretty darn good considering how stressful it is going through this process.
Are You Shell-Shocked by the Decision to Divorce?
I don’t know of too many people who have gone through a divorce without at least some disruption to their lives. At a minimum, getting divorced is unsettling. It requires having to make decisions and changes and to re-organize lots of things in your life. This may seem like an enormous task even if you are the one initiating the changes. However, having to make these changes at a time when you’re not expecting them - makes the process of divorce all that more challenging.
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It’s very normal to feel stressed, anxious, sad, angry and depressed during the divorcing process. These feelings can go in cycles and at times they tend to cluster together. Sometimes people describe feeling as if being on an emotional rollercoaster - feeling up one moment and down the next.
Divorce is a time when there are lots of important decisions and changes to be made.
custody lawyer Akron There are also the financial implications of divorce – both in legal costs and those associated with reorganizing one’s life – that weigh heavily on people, These certainly add to the stress of getting divorced.
You need to know that this is a quite common experience for people going through a divorce. It is an emotionally trying time and people’s ability to cope is often stretched to the max. The good news is that for most people who go through a divorce, this difficult time is usually short lived and does pass. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
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Should I or Shouldn’t I? I Can’t Make Up My Mind!
Are You Still In Doubt?
If you feel confused and a bit frightened about the prospect of ending your marriage, then once again - you are not alone but in good company.
Most people contemplating divorce experience times when they vacillate between wanting to “bite the bullet” by starting divorce proceedings and wanting to “stick it out” by staying in the relationship. This is also perfectly normal, Contrary to popular belief - or actually the perceptions of those whose spouses have left them - the decision to leave a relationship is a very difficult one to make. Rarely do people make the decision to end a marriage on a whim. Very few people impulsively decide to walk out on their marriages.
Ending a relationship is not easy.
custody lawyer Alexandria Aside from the emotional investment people make, there are other considerations like children, homes, cars, savings, bills, health care benefits, pensions and retirement plans to keep in mind. Unraveling a marriage, especially one that is longstanding is a challenge at best. And what makes the process even more difficult is having to make important decisions at a time when people feel most vulnerable, stressed and emotionally drained.
It’s always difficult to know for sure if you are making the right decision. What may feel “right” one day may seem “wrong” the next day. To help you in your important decision-making, I strongly recommend that you read Karl Augustine’s ebook, A Practical Guide to Deciding Whether or Not To Get a Divorce.
Karl tackles the most important issues in making this important decision such as:
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.. The Mindset You Need to make this Important Decision
.. Why Marriage is Tough No Matter Who You Are
.. The Supreme Value of Having Confidence in Yourself
.. Are You Letting Other People - Your Kids - Influence Your Decision Making?
Karl also provides “Action Items” throughout the book.
custody lawyer Amarillo These are designed to get the reader to think and then DO something about their situation.
Another excellent resource is Susie and Otto Collins’ ebook, “Should I Stay or Should I Go“. This ebook is filled with hundreds of questions, stories and insights that will help the reader consciously determine whether to stay in a relationship or to move on.
Some of the things you will learn from reading this ebook are:
.. Know whether you really want to stay in this relationship or move on
.. Find out what you really want in a relationship and whether you'll be able to have it in this relationship
.. Identify the real issues going on in this relationship (they may not be what you think)
.. Understand the communication challenges going on between the two of you
.. Show you how the way money is handled in your relationship may be causing major problems without you even knowing it
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.. Tell you what to do if there's physical, emotional or sexual
abuse going on in this relationship
.. Give you a new way of thinking about how addictions affect your relationship
.. Identify how patterns from your past may be unconsciously ruining your relationship right before your eyes
Assessing the Viability of a Relationship
One of the major obstacles to assessing the viability of a relationship doing so when that relationship is in a state of crisis. The emotional rollercoaster ride associated with a crisis makes decision making a huge challenge. One minute you are up and the next one you are down. One minute the marriage or relationship seems worth saving and the next, it feels as if it is completely hopeless or of little value. But, before struggling with figuring out whether the relationship is worth working on, perhaps the best starting point is begins with taking a hard look at you.
By examining your inner self, you may be able to establish what is it you want from a relationship and – whether your present relationship can reasonably meet your needs. You may find that your expectations of your partner and the relationship are way off base. On the other hand, you may come to the realization that your partner or spouse cannot give you what you are looking for. Whichever way it is, you owe it to yourself to take the time and energy to find out.
Sometimes people have unrealistic expectations of their spouse or partner. Sometimes, deep down people know it, but they delude themselves into believing that their needs can be met in the relationship. Sometimes people believe that they alone can make the relationship work. People who maintain these beliefs find themselves very disappointed and unhappy. After all, they are not getting what they need from the relationship.
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By trying to keep the relationship going, they may also find themselves clinging to relationships that should have been left long ago. This is no different than people who fail to sell their stock shares while they were still in a position to cut their losses.
Although this book is written for women, it applies equally to men. I strongly urge you to read Greg Behrendt’s bestseller, “He’s Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys”. Without a doubt, it provides a guide to anyone trying to examine if they are hanging onto a relationship they shouldn’t. This is definitely a “must read”.
Women’s Issues
Women have special concerns when they are contemplating getting a divorce. Because women’s needs are different from those of men, they are often plagued by indecisiveness and fear about the divorcing process. “How To Decide If You Should Divorce” was written to help women reach a well thought-out, careful decision based on what’s right for them, their values, their priorities, and their lives.
Ending a marriage ranks high on the list of “important decisions” a person has to make.
custody lawyer Ann Arbor Decision-making at this time should therefore never be taken lightly because the consequences of a premature “wrong” decision outweigh the consequences of delaying making “any” decision.
My advice is - when in doubt, Wait! Unless it is a matter of life and death, delaying your decision for 24 hours will not make a measurable difference. Alternatively, rushing into a hasty decision could be disastrous.
So…if you are reasonably sure that divorce is where you and your spouse are headed, you may still be caught up in the emotional turmoil caused by the process. It is absolutely vital that you get a handle on what you need to do to avoid making some very serious
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mistakes, particularly during the early stages of divorce. Mistakes made at this time could have a direct bearing on the settlement you will reach and the type of custody and access arrangements you will have with your children.
Issues Involving Addictions
“Co-dependency” is a term used to describe a type of unhealthy relationship. This term is generally used within the context of addictions and refers to the behavior of a spouse who is married to an alcoholic or drug dependent person. Codependency also affects children, siblings and other family members as well.
Co-dependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with co-dependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. Many people who are co-dependents fail to recognize the role they play in maintain the pathology within their relationships. Therefore, in spite of their extreme unhappiness, co-dependents find it difficult to end these relationships.
Co-dependency involves very complicated relationship dynamics which when untreated are difficult to change.
custody lawyer Arlington For that reason, co-dependency is often seen in several generations within a family. One of the main motivations of a co-dependent is to “save” or “be responsible” for the alcoholic or addicted family member. It is this type of thinking that keeps the affected family member from recovering and in fact maintains both the addiction and the dysfunctional relationship.
The literature on co-dependency is relatively new as it was only about ten years ago that the term was first introduced. Much of written is also pretty technical and geared toward professionals who
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provide drug and alcohol treatment. However in my readings I came across Dr. Donald Scouten’s ebook, “Husband’s Guide to Understanding Co-dependency”. Although written for men, it is equally applicable for women. Dr. Scouten provides an incredibly comprehensive and easy to understand accounting of the problem that co-dependency is.
Some of the topics that Dr. Scouten writes about include:
.. Does the term “co-dependency” apply to you?
.. What love isn’t?
.. Defining “enabling”
.. How to break the co-dependent cycle?
.. How to get rid of guilt and free yourself from the relationship chains you created
The important thing to recognize is – that even when people are able to end their current co-dependent relationship, they have a tendency to be drawn to partners with similar traits. Without intervention, the co-dependency will continue in future relationships. For that reason alone, this ebook is highly recommended. Click here for further details.
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Avoid Making Serious Divorce Mistakes
Did you know that how people initially approach the divorcing process and instruct their attorneys often sets the tone for the eventual outcome of their divorce settlement? Yes, it’s true. The problem is that people are expected to make very important strategic decisions at a time when they are least able to do so.
In my years as a divorce consultant, I have seen too many people do things that sabotage the outcome of their divorce.
custody lawyer Armagh I find this to be utterly heartbreaking since people have enough to contend with during divorce that they do not need to contribute to their own problems through oversights, naiveté or poor decision-making.
Some of the issues people often overlook or fail to think about during the divorcing process are:
.. when to know when you are in for a rough ride with your spouse?
.. when to know when is it NOT the time to be on friendly terms with your spouse?
.. how to redefine emotional boundaries with your spouse?
.. when do negotiations not work in divorce?
.. what are the special challenges for divorcing parents?
.. how to get the most out of your attorney?
.. how to reduce the cost of your legal fees?
I have compiled the answers to these divorce and custody related questions along with concrete advice in my latest ebook, “How to Avoid the Ten Biggest Divorce Mistakes”.
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Do You Want to Give Your Marriage Another Try?
If on the other hand, you are among those who feel you want to give your marriage one last chance, Lee Baucom’s ebook, “Save Your Marriage Even If Only You Want To Work On It”. I am the first to say that if a marriage can be saved, the effort should be made in that regard. As a relationship consultant, I have personally observed marriages that were already in divorce court turn around and survive. Dr. Baucom’s ebook provides useful strategies for learning how to forgive, coping with anger and learning how to communicate more effectively.
“Stop The Train, I Want To Get Off!” - How To Reverse The Divorcing Process?
I have to be perfectly honest with you. The percentage of people who start down the divorce route who successfully turn it around is very low. As I stated in the previous section, I have seen it happen so I can tell you that it isn’t impossible.
What it involves is commitment, a lot of hard work and a very good marriage counselor who really knows his or her stuff.
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In my travels on the Internet I have found two resources that I feel are worthwhile looking into if you seriously want to explore the possibility of stopping your divorce.
.. The first one deals with a problem that plagues many couples and is often the cause of many marital break-ups - sexual dysfunction.
custody lawyer Athens-Clarke County I am of a strong belief that most problems that show themselves in the “bedroom” have their origins outside of it. The challenge is what to do about it.
You will be able to get some valuable insights about this common problem from Dr. Atwood‘s ebook, , “Hopeful Solutions to Your Sexless Marriage“
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Many couples lose sight of what is really important in relationships. Although they get married for all the right reasons like wanting companionship and an opportunity to build a life together, too often once they take their vows, they get side-tracked by their careers, children, financial concerns. Consequently, their relationship begins to take a backseat and a rift starts developing. Without their knowing the underpinnings of their relationship erode.
.. “Saving Your Marriage with Love, Trust and Commitment” by Emanuel Fox and Raquel Fox helps people get back to the important cornerstones of relationships even if they have strayed far from each other.
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Dealing With Infidelity
And What If There’s “Another” Man or Woman?
It’s hard enough to get your head around ending a marriage when there are just you, your spouse and your children. Add to the mix a bit of infidelity and you will put a whole new twist on the situation. Whether you are the “cheater” or the “cheated”, the presence of another relationship will undoubtedly not only raise the threshold on upset feelings (and that’s putting it mildly), but it also has the potential for making the divorcing process be that much more difficult.
For the “Cheater”
If you are the one who is involved with someone else (i.e., having an extramarital affair), then I strongly advise that you place this new relationship on hold until you sort out your marital situation. I say this for two very important reasons:
.. First, it next to impossible to sort out your feelings about your spouse and marriage (and your future) when there is someone else in the “wings”.
custody lawyer Atlanta You need to be able to assess whether your marriage has a future by assessing it based on its own merits - and not because there is a better option with someone else.
.. Second, and more importantly, if your spouse learns that there was someone else in the picture while you were supposedly “working on your marriage”, this will surely add resentment, anger and hostility to the divorcing process – again, making it that much more difficult and stressful.
I’ve written “The Anatomy of An Affair”, an ebook which provides some interesting insights into why affairs begin in the first place. Basically, it operates on the premise that most affairs are not about sex. Instead they occur because there is a flaw in the relationship. In
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other words, at some point one or both spouses realize that “needs” are not being met. Although this idea may infuriate those who find themselves on the receiving end of infidelity, it nevertheless makes the point that “good” marriages are rarely at risk for infidelity.
Many couples, who have faced infidelity, make the decision to use this event to rebuild their relationship. Although I have to be perfectly honest by stating I do not see this happening very often, I also can state that it is possible to move beyond the affair. What it takes is time and a tremendous amount of commitment, patience and love from both partners.
Psychologist Dr. Bob Huizenga has written an excellent guide for couples who want to put their relationships back on track. Although there is no magical formula that can guarantee that the infidelity can be overcome, Dr. Bob’s method – “Breaking Free From the Affair” is designed to help couples get through the rough spots and deal with the blaming, anger and despair that often stand in the way of rebuilding a relationship.
For the “Cheated”
If you suspect that your spouse may be having an affair, then it is important that you find out what is really going on. Having unverified suspicions that drag on and on only adds unnecessarily to feelings of ill will and stress. And should there be no basis for your continued suspicions, this in itself could very likely ruin a marriage as easily as infidelity.
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No doubt the easiest way to get to the truth of the matter is for your spouse to provide you with the “straight goods” on what is going on. However, often times this just does not work either because the spouse’s denial of the affair is not believed or the cheating spouse is simply unwilling to fess up. This then leaves the onus on you to get the information you need to confirm or dispel your suspicions.
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Edward Talurdey’s ebook, “The Art of a Cheat” helps readers get the answers they need. His strategies and techniques will get you the evidence you will need to once and for all allay your concerns. He outlines some telltale signs of infidelity such as sudden changes in behavior, cell phone records and credit card charges that don’t add up.
.
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Ready To Move Forward
Developing A “Plan of Action“
Believe it or not, most people contemplating divorce tend to focus on getting away from the arguments and all of the other aversive things in their relationship and miss a whole lot of very important issues with long term consequences.
custody lawyer Aurora co Often the desire to escape the acrimony, leads people to make very poor decisions such as walking away from child support or an equitable financial settlement.
If this is where you are at, you need to continue reading and pay attention to the following list of things that need to be taken into consideration before you speak to your spouse about ending your marriage.
FREE: IMPORTANT INFORMATION
Here are some of the things people do during the divorcing process that cost them a lot of money:
.. They under-estimate their spouse’s reaction to the divorce - they fail to recognize how upset their spouse really is
.. They assume that being reasonable and conciliatory with an unreasonable spouse will lead to an equitable settlement
.. They erroneously believe that the court will provide justice
.. They erroneously believe that the divorce laws which espouse equity will prevail
Continued….
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.. They do not provide their attorneys with realistic or factual information about their situation
.. They fail to understand that with divorce new boundaries need to be established - that things change when a couple separates and when divorce proceedi
.. They sabotage their attorney’s efforts to represent them effectively by sharing information with their spouse, by not allowing the attorney to word documents in a particular way or by not following through with attorney’s advice
.. They fail to provide clear and ambiguous instructions to their attorneys
.. They erroneously believe that they do not need to be actively involved in their case
ngs begin
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Recently, Michael Daniel and I co-authored the ebook, “How to End a Marriage“. It details 21 essential steps involved in this process. Here are just a few of the sub topics covered in the ebook:
.. The Three Risk Factors in Divorce
.. Getting Over Guilt
.. Fear of What People Might Think
.. Getting Off the Emotional Roller Coaster Ride
.. Discover the Rules of Making Good Decisions
.. Understanding the Divorce Process
.. Getting Divorced Without Losing Your Shirt
Here‘s a sample of what you will read in our ebook - “How to Cope When Your Spouse Goes Ballistic With the News That You Are Leaving”
Getting Divorced Can Be Expensive - So Being Prepared is Essential!
I can tell you that there is no absolute way to guarantee that your divorce will go smoothly or without a hitch. However, I can also tell you that there things people do that almost always guarantees that they won’t. I am here to help you lessen the chances of things going badly.
First of all, did you know that a contested divorce could easily cost you $30,000 or MORE?
Are you shocked? Don’t be.
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Think about it - the average hourly fee for a divorce attorney is $175. When you consider that you will be charged for every moment an attorney works on your file (doing research, preparing documents, making phone calls, communicating with the opposing attorney, dictating letters, reviews correspondence and court documents, meetings), you can start to see how quickly a legal bill can be run up.
If you are interested in saving yourself a bundle of money in your divorce, then you will be interested in reading Michael Daniel’s ebook, “How To Legally Save Yourself Thousands of Dollars on Your Divorce”. As a co-author of one of my own books, I know that Michael is an impeccable researcher and his material is superb.
Here are just a few of the topics Michael covers in his ebook:
.. What is the most effective techniques to finding a GREAT lawyer?
.. What should you watch out for when you first meet your lawyer?
.. Three things make the biggest difference to your divorce costs. And what to do about them?
.. What does your lawyer NOT want you to find out? And why should you find out anyway?
.. Why are divorce costs often under reported?
.. Discover some amazing things your lawyer WILL charge you for?
.. Charges you would be crazy not to know about before hand.
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.. What should you NEVER discuss with your lawyer? It’s not what you think!
Getting good legal advice is very expensive. These days, attorneys’
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fees start at $150 per hour and could go as high as $600 per hour depending on the attorney’s experience and location. So when you come across divorce books written by attorneys, then I would strongly suggest having a look at them.
Here are two other ebooks that I think are worth mentioning, mainly because they are written by attorneys and they each provide advice from a legal perspective in a way that a consumer can understand. Both these attorneys offer their legal expertise as well as years working with divorcing clients to inform them about what they need to know about getting divorced.
Here is a very worthwhile ebook written by an attorney.
custody lawyer Austin “The Tao of Divorce” by Stephen Fuchs gives you the straight goods based on years of experience representing divorcing clients. You will learn how to survive the divorcing process by preparing yourself effectively for the often stressful and grueling challenges associated with the legalities of divorce. This ebook is worth its weight in gold and costs just a fraction of what you would pay for a consultation with a lawyer.
The Divorce Primer: Divorce Basics for the Consumer is another excellent book written by an attorney. Jean Mahserjian, a divorce and family lawyer helps make sense of what the divorcing process is. In very plain and non legalistic language she demystifies what is involved in getting divorced. I really like the ebook because it offers people options at a time when having choices are most appreciated.
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FREE TIPS ON PREPARING TO SEPARATE
Take an inventory of your personal and joint assets and liabilities (don’t assume that you will have another opportunity to do so once you are out of the home)
Get a handle on your personal and joint finances (get a list of bank accounts, credit cards, stocks, investments
Arrange to take your name off your spouse’s credit cards
Develop a realistic budget to carry you during the next few months
Arrange for a preliminary consult with an attorney
Realistically assess the level of acrimony in your divorce - this step is critical because if you under-estimate things, it could cost you thousands as well as your relationship with your
nsider your future living arrangements -unless you are the one planning to move out of the family home, consider having PlanA & Plan B - don’t assume that your spouse w
ly after you have done the above, should you cons
etc.) children Coill necessarily agree to your wanting to remain in the home Onider telling your spouse that you want to end your marriage.
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Getting Started
Understanding Your Divorce Options
There are two basic ways your divorce can play out:
.. Amicably, or in a
.. Dragged our fight in court
Clearly, it’s in everyone’s best interest to settle a divorce quickly, reasonably and in a cost effective manner. However, this is not always the case because peoples‘emotions, greed and desire to retaliate often get in the way. Unfortunately in the end, the only ones who benefit from a protracted court battle are the attorneys who invest considerable time arguing issues in court that could otherwise be settled through rational negotiations.
While it is not always possible to avoid court - particularly when your spouse may be taking a very unreasonable position on things, there are two options that are gaining increasing popularity in divorce law. These are Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. Both utilize the principle of negotiation as well as a genuine desire to avoid court as a method of resolving differences. If you feel that you and your spouse are candidates for either of these approaches, I strongly urge you to consider them as alternatives to going to court.
Finding An Attorney
Next to arriving at the decision to divorce, the next most critical step in the divorcing process is finding the right attorney. While the saying “you get what you pay for” applies in many situations, I am of the belief that when it comes to attorneys, getting the highest paid attorney may not always be the best option. Clearly, if you have a complicated financial situation, you need to have an attorney who is
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experienced in dealing with large settlement cases. In these situations, you don’t want to have an attorney fresh out of law school handle your affairs.
I usually suggest to clients to call around and speak to a few attorneys before making the decision to retain one.
custody lawyer Bakersfield It is also good to get feedback from friends and relatives who have gone through a divorce. With the divorce rate approaching 50% there is a real good chance that you will know a number of people who have gone through the process. Unless you have no assets, equal paying jobs and no kids, then you will want to have a divorce attorney (rather than a general attorney) represent you.
To help get you started, here are several directories where you can find a divorce attorney in your area:
.. Respond Legal
.. Divorce Lawyers
.. Divorce Interactive
Don’t feel in a rush to retain the first attorney you speak to. It may be wise to “interview” (yes interview - you are the boss here) two or three attorneys and then decide which is the best one for you. One thing to consider is how the two of you actually hit if off. You will be spending considerable time with your attorney as well as shelling out considerable money for his or her services. It is therefore critical that you establish a good working relationship together and feel confident that this individual can represent you effectively. If you have any concerns in this regard, continue shopping around until you are satisfied.
One other important consideration in selecting a divorce attorney is their approach to divorce. At one time the only solution to a contested
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divorce was to “litigate” - or in other words, fight it out in court. Today, there is another option called “Collaborative Divorce“.
SURVEY FINDINGS
In a recent survey I conducted on a two large divorce online forums the overwhelming majority (78.4%) of respondents indicated that a lack of understanding of the divorce process was one of their TOP CONCERNS!
To help you in your decision making process you may be interested in reviewing my e-Report, “Your Divorce, Your Attorney & You: Getting It Right From the Start“.
Educating Yourself
If you are like most people getting divorced, this is probably your first (and hopefully - your only) time that you are going to go through the process. And unless you are an attorney, you probably know little about how to get divorced or how it will impact on your life and that of your children.
It’s essential that you educate yourself appropriately about all the things you need to know about getting divorced.
custody lawyer Baltimore One place to start is by going to Divorce Directory . This broad based directory of 100 divorce service providers is listed by popularity. I am sure you will find some excellent information at this website.
There are also a number of other websites dedicated to divorce that serve as excellent resource bases for selecting attorneys by region, child support tables, and divorce forms.
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.. Check out Millennium Divorce’s Divorce Forms. These are invaluable resources that are categorized by state. By using them you will save time and money when it comes to settling your divorce - even if you have retained an attorney. This is a way you can be proactive and take charge of your divorce
.. Check out www.divorcesource.com. You will be absolutely amazed at the range of resources this one website has.
custody lawyer Bangor You will find referral lists for attorneys across the U.S.A. and Canada, divorce forms and a mortgage, income and child support calculators. The nice thing about this website is much of the information is available for free!
Learning About the Divorcing Process
There is a lot to know about getting divorced. Unfortunately, most people don’t take the time to familiarize themselves with what is involved because they are usually emotionally taxed when the bottom falls out of their marriage. As well, people in this state tend to rely on their attorneys to guide them along. While attorneys are certainly well versed in the law and legal procedure, they frequently fail to recognize their clients’ anxieties and need to be better informed about the divorcing process.
Understandably, the divorcing process is foreign to most going through it. The most common areas of confusion for clients are as follows:
.. The different steps involved in litigating a case & why things take so long to happen
.. The experience of going to court - what is involved
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.. Preparing oneself for going to court
.. Different options in negotiations & why being reasonable does not always work
.. The tactics (and reasons behind them) as used by attorneys to stall or frustrate the process
.. Arriving at a settlement
.. Realizing that the final settlement is far from what was originally expected and why that happens
.. Coping with the increased acrimony caused by the divorcing process
.. Finding ways to pay legal fees
.. Learning how to gain control over the process and finding ways to work most effectively with the attorney
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FREE TIPS ON DEALING WITH
THE STRESS OF DIVORCE
.. Try to contain your worry - don’t let your worry and upset rule you and consume your entire day - learn how to compartmentalize your life so that you have the energy and presence of mind to enjoy the more pleasant parts of your life
.. Find activities that give you pleasure and make time to do these things.
.. Exercise is a great stress reliever - it also has the benefit of making you healthier, stronger and leaner
.. Surround yourself with supportive people - those who care about you and are willing to be non-judgmental.
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.. Invest in a good therapist or a parenting and divorce consultant (more about this later).
Having worked with hundreds of divorcing families over the years and being aware of their concerns, I realized that there was a huge gap in the information available for people going through divorce. I also realized that they were not getting the information from their attorneys and it was also likely that they were too overwhelmed to seek out the information in a book.
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SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!
Of the 407 top divorce-related search terms, 242 (or 59%) of them pertained to children and/or parenting following divorce.
So I came up with a solution that I think is quite appealing to people who need the right information in a fast and easy way. I put on my thinking cap and put together an e-Course entitled, “Divorce 101: Things You Are Unlikely to Hear From An Attorney”. The nice part about it is that it is available as a downloadable audio file. This means that there is no reading involved - just listening to a audio version of an e-Course that answers questions to divorcing clients’ major concerns. It’s really a “no brainer” and extremely helpful.
FREE MINI-COURSE!
I’ve produced a seven part minicourse entitled, “Arming Yourself for Your Custody Battle”. It’s loaded with lots of useful information about how to cope with this challenging situation. Click here to sign up. Just type “subscribe” in the subject line.
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When Kids Are Involved
What can be more precious than our children? Unfortunately, for that reason, in divorce, children often become “high stakes” commodities. Sounds cruel? You bet it is! And just for the record, custody disputes are on the rise. The obvious question is why?
The answer is rather simple. Most custody battles are not about children. They are about money and/or revenge. This is how it works…
As indicated, children are highly valued by most parents and parents feel extremely vulnerable at the thought of losing their children or their love.
custody lawyer Baton Rouge On the other hand, money is also highly valued and people feel vulnerable at the thought of losing it. Is this starting to make sense?
Children and money are two highly valued assets. If one is being threatened, the best way to defend against losing it is to attack the other. So, if a parent is fearful that he or she might be “taken to the cleaners”, the best way to protect oneself is to use the children as a “bargaining point” or “pawn”.
On the other hand, a spouse may feel betrayed by his or her spouse leaving the relationship (particularly for someone else). When this happens, the embittered spouse often retaliates by punishing the other spouse by alienating the children.
Both these situations are regrettable and more importantly they are heartless and selfish. In situations when children are thrown in the middle of their parents’ dispute and are exposed to the details of their parents’ conflict, it can be down right abusive.
Although these situations are thankfully not the norm in divorce, they
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do exist in increasing numbers. A quick search of the Internet will produce hundreds of websites offering resources for parents struggling with custody battles.
There are lots of divorce forums on the Internet. Some are better than others. Here is a list of the ones I feel are worthwhile having a look at because they provide more than a venue for people to vent:
.. Divorce Strategy Central
.. Help Stop PAS
.. Separated Parenting and Access Resource Center
.. Other Divorce Discussion Lists
Visit these groups and others.
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FREE TIPS ON SELECTING A
DIVORCE DISCUSSION GROUP
Aside from determining if the group content is for you, here are two things you should keep in mind when selecting one:
.. Is the group moderated?
.. Are there rules about posting and general conduct?
These two conditions are generally signs of a better quality discussions forum and one you will likely enjoy and benefit
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Parenting and Divorce Coaches
It may seem a bit bizarre and unnecessary to hire someone to coach you on how to parent especially since this is something you’ve being doing on your own for sometime. But as I stated earlier, divorce is a stressful and challenging time of life and it places a strain on every aspect of your life – including parenting.
Just as important - most divorcing parents are ill-prepared for the changes, concessions and compromises that accompany ending a marriage. It would be wrong to assume that the way things were before (i.e., sharing of responsibilities, decision making, involvement and finances) will remain the same following a separation. In many cases, under involved parents become more involved and in other cases, involved parents become less involved. In some unfortunate cases, some parents simply walk away from their parental involvement and responsibilities.
To help parents adjust to new parenting arrangements, there is an emerging specialty called “parenting and divorce coaching“.
custody lawyer Belfast These individuals have professional backgrounds in psychology, family therapy or social work but more importantly, they are also trained and experienced in the areas of divorce, family dynamics and child development.
Parents who have used the services of parenting and divorce coaches have found it is a cost effective way to work through some of the difficult challenges that accompany divorce with someone who is highly skilled. To learn more about the benefits of parenting and divorce coaching - click here!
Parenting Plans
One of the most critical aspects of settling a divorce when children are involved is developing an effective and workable parenting plan. In spite of its importance parenting plans are often overlooked or not
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given the attention they deserve.
A parenting plan is a blueprint for how both parents will provide care for their children as two individuals who no longer share the same home. A well developed parenting plan deals with much more that time sharing arrangements. And most importantly, a parenting plan takes into account the changing needs of children as they grow and mature.
FREE PARENTING PLAN TEMPLATE
I developed a parenting plan template that you are welcome to download for your own use or share with others who may also benefit from it.
This parenting plan template is easy to use and will guide you through the steps needed to address the important aspects of your parenting role.
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You will find it to be a very useful tool is settling your divorce even if you are caught in a custody dispute.
Click here to download now!
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Custody Evaluations
As the number of custody battles continues to rise, so does the number of custody evaluations being ordered by the courts. As a matter of fact, you can almost be certain that if you and your ex are unable to come to terms on how you are going parent your children post divorce, then the judge will order a custody evaluation.
Custody evaluations are very detailed and thorough assessments of a family. Their purpose is to determine what type of parenting arrangement will best meet the needs of the children involved. A custody evaluation will make recommendations about whether there should be sole or joint custody, with whom the children shall reside as well as the type of access for the noncustodial parent. It may also address issues regarding a parent’s desire to move the children to another jurisdiction and away from the other parent, matters of religion and concerns about parental competency.
Psychologists, social workers or family therapists who have received training in conducting custody evaluations generally conduct custody evaluations. Often times, the evaluations include psychological testing by a registered psychologist. Most parents who have been through a custody evaluation find the experience to be extremely stressful and anxiety provoking. After all, it’s pretty unnerving to have someone else may comments about your ability to parent!
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FREE TIP ON SELECTING A
CUSTODY EVALUATOR
The best way to get a feel for the types of recommendations a custody evaluator may make or any biases he or she may have is to obtain copies of previous reports submitted to the court. Any filed in court is public record and can be a accessed by anyone.
If you seem to be heading toward a custody evaluation, then it is best to do your homework ahead of time. Although there is no way to guarantee the outcome of your evaluation, there are some definite tips about how to gain an edge in the process. A great starting point in educating yourself is by becoming familiar with the “Guidelines For Custody Evaluations in Divorce Proceedings”. This document explains in detail the standards for how custody evaluations should be conducted.
As in any profession, there are good custody evaluators and not so good ones.
custody lawyer Berkeley By properly educating yourself, you will be able to make the best choice and not leave it up to chance. In most cases, you will be able to put forward two or three choices. Often times, the other side is unprepared. If this is the case, you will have the upper hand. If the other side is prepared, then there is still a reasonable chance that one of your selections will still be chosen.
Once a custody evaluator has been agreed upon and retained, the next step is to make sure that you are properly prepared for the process. This is where a divorce coach/consultant can walk you through the process and even give you a test run of the questions
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you will likely be asked. Learning how to conduct yourself during a custody evaluation and framing your responses in a way that will impress an evaluator could have significant impact on the recommendations that are made.
The decision to go the custody evaluation route is an important one.
In some cases, a custody evaluation can cause more harm than good. You will find that custody evaluator’s will often highlight parents’ weaknesses rather than their strengths. So it is essential that you understand what’s at stake and what you are getting yourself into.
FREE TIP ON WHAT TO DO DURING A
CUSTODY EVALUATION
As a general rule, your primary focus during a custody evaluation should always be on the “best interests” of your children and not on pointing out your ex’s flaws.
custody lawyer Birmingham uk Discussions about your ex should be framed as “concerns” so they won’t be perceived as “bad-mouthing”, vindictive or running him or her down.
I prepared an e-Course on how to prepare for a custody evaluation. It provides solid tips and information about how to effectively get through the process and gain a powerful edge on its outcome.
Some of the topics covered in the e-Course are:
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.. What you need to do to thoroughly check out your custody evaluator?
.. How to ensure that the custody evaluator has the appropriate credentials, training and experience for your family situation?
.. What are the accepted guidelines that custody evaluators should follow?
.. Why the "referral questions" are so important?
.. What are the different components of a custody evaluation?
.. Who to choose for collaterals?
.. What are the things a custody evaluator is looking for in an assessment?
.. How to communicate your concerns to the evaluator in a positive way?
.. What are the things you need to avoid so that you will not make a bad impression?
For more information about “Preparing For a Custody Evaluation: Things You REALLY Need to Know!" - CLICK HERE!
More Important Information about Custody Evaluations ETC.
One of the first things I am asked about when I am approached by clients or attorneys who are interested in consulting with me is my credentials. Without a doubt, this is very reasonable request because as I stated earlier, there are a lot of people out there who call themselves divorce professionals – but really aren’t. Unfortunately, it is these individuals who give the rest of us bad reputations and cause people like you to have a dim view of the “divorce industry”.
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When it comes to choosing a custody evaluator it is vital that the person has had training in how to conduct a custody assessment. I am pleased to say that I am fortunate to have what I believe to be training from the best in the area of divorce and custody issues: the late Dr. Gardner (more to be said about his work in the next chapter) and Dr. Barry Bricklin and Dr. Gail Elliot. Drs. Bricklin and Elliot are highly respected psychologists whose assessment tools are used widely by custody evaluators.
Aside from being proud to have received training from these professionals, I want to make you aware of two excellent resources developed by Drs. Bricklin and Elliot. Recently, they produced two programs developed to assist parents in having the best chance of winning a favourable custody arrangement. As you might have already guessed one is geared toward fathers while the other one is geared toward mothers.
The information provided in their programs is invaluable. For examples, parents will learn fourteen "key behaviors" that differentiate between parents who do well in custody disputes from those who do not. Drs. Bricklin and Elliot consider these behaviors to be strategically critical.
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They also identified the single biggest mistake a parent in a custody dispute can make. And they state that the ironic thing is that the legal system actually encourages parents to make this huge mistake. Finally, their program helps parents identify the strategies that will be used against parents to undermine them personally.
I learned a lot from Drs. Bricklin and Elliot and I am sure you will too. I strongly urge you to read up on what they have to offer. Click here for more information.
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Coping With Children’s Distress During Divorce
It is very normal for children to react to their parents’ separation and impending divorce. Think about it… if you’re upset and stressed out, your children will be so as well. While adults have the maturity and capacity to understand what is going on, children do not. When they see their parents upset, they respond in kind.
Even very young children (those under four years of age) react to the changes in routine. It is unreasonable to expect any child to not notice or respond to the changes that accompany divorce.
Not knowing what to do only adds to parents’ stress during an already challenging time of life. Check out “The Divorcing Parent’s Guide to Coping With Children During a Difficult Time” for some helpful insights and tips on lessening the burden for your children and yourself.
Different Types of Custody Arrangements
Divorce usually requires that parents adopt new ways to or alter old ways of parenting and caring for their children.
custody lawyer Boise City No longer living in the same household as your spouse is the primary basis for this change. Without a doubt adjusting to being a parent while residing apart from your children may pose one of the greatest adjustments for all concerned,
The general attitude of family law courts in western countries is that children benefit most from having both parents in their lives. As a consequence, the courts are increasingly supportive of custody and parenting arrangements that allow children to maintain their relationships with their Moms and Dads regardless of where they live. Today, the courts are leaning more and more toward “joint custody” as the norm.
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On that note, it is important to become aware of some terms which will likely have a direct bearing on how the courts will define your legal role as a parent.
Here are some important terms you should take note of:
Joint custody (or Joint Conservatorship) – this means that you and your spouse remain “legal parents and share in jointly making decisions about your children’s health, education, religion and general welfare. As well, having joint custody means that each parent needs to be in agreement about removing the children from their jurisdiction, traveling to another country or signing documents on your children’s behalf. Basically, joint custody means a continuation of your legal role as a parent that you had since your children were born. Joint custody does not necessarily mean that you will have equal time or access to your children.
Sole Custody – this means that one parent remains the legal parent and has the right and responsibility to make all decisions regarding the children. The parent with sole custody is not required to consult with or obtain permission from the other parent on any matters pertaining to the child. The parent with sole custody does not require the other parents’ signature on their child’s passport and as such is free to travel freely with the child.
Shared Parenting or Custody – this generally refers to the timeshare arrangements between parents with joint custody.
custody lawyer Boston Usually, this term assumes that parents in a shared parenting arrangement will have equal or close to equal time with their children. In these arrangements, parents typically live in the same jurisdiction to facilitate schooling, health care, social activities etc. There are many different types of shared parenting arrangements or schedules depending on the ages and needs of the children involved.
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Primary Residency – This is a terms used to describe where the children reside and which parent will assume responsibility for their day-to-day care. This term does not mean “sole custody” – it just means that the children will reside with this parent and that the parent will assume the responsibility for the children’s care at their residence.
Access – this term generally refers to the time that the non-custodial or non-residential parent spends with his or her children. It assumes that a shared parenting arrangement is not in place. Typically access periods occur for an evening mid-week and over the weekends. As well, extended access periods are designated for parts of major holidays (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving) as well as for breaks in school (Spring Break, summer vacation). Specific access periods are also provided for parents’ birthdays and Mother’s day and Father’s Day.
Remember, it is important to clearly understand the differences among these terms so that you can ultimately instruct your attorney on how to proceed in your case.
Tools to Parent (and Co-parent) More Effectively
One of the biggest challenges facing divorcing parents is finding ways to maintain their relationships with their children when the parents cease living together. This is especially true for parents whose circumstances require timely physical separations from their children.
Fortunately, there are some excellent resources available to assist parents and children to maintain their relationships even from afar.
custody lawyer Bradford Also these do not replace face-to-face contact between parents and children, they are a large improvement over what was available previously. Some of the most recent advances in technology such as
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cellular phones and web cameras make the task of keeping relationships alive that much easier.
Here are two other examples of how modern technology combines with child-focused ingenuity to produce “family-friendly” resources for parents and children:
Virtual Visitation - Virtual Visitation involves using tools such as personal video conferencing, a webcam, email, instant messaging (IM) and other wired or wireless technologies over the Internet or other communication media to supplement in-person visits and telephone contacts between two people.
It has great application to help children and their noncustodial parents to stay in touch. It is also an excellent way for parents and children to communicate regardless of their custodial arrangement or the distance between them. Visit the website for a short video on how the virtual visitation works. The best part of all – this service is completely free!
The OurFamilyWizard. parenting website was designed by divorce parents with the help of family law professionals to coordinate family schedules and share family information. The website acts as a conduit for parents to plan for the holidays, share insurance cards, keep track of shared expenses, and much more. It has become a tool to help courts to eliminate the “he said”-“she said”, dilemma by making parents accountable and keeping children out of the crossfire.
The website has seven sections: the Shared Family Calendar, Message Board, Journal, Information Bank, Expense Log, E-Coupons and Resources. While some families utilize all of the site’s life management tools, others benefit from using just one or two of the tools.
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Comments from parents and family professionals logged in the OurFamilyWizard. guest book tout the site’s effectiveness. Lois, of Mediation Works North in Minnesota says, “I have been a divorce mediator for seven years specializing in parenting plans and co-parenting issues. I also teach conflict management and communication classes and the Parents Forever Divorce Education as a mandatory part of the mediation process. All I can say is ‘way to go people!’. I will be referring all of my clients to your site.”
The greatest beneficiaries of the OurFamilyWizard. parenting website are the children. By providing a non-emotional, non-verbal, and well-organized forum for parents to share information. OurFamilyWizard. greatly reduces the stress placed on the children. In addition to no longer hearing disagreements of parents at exchanges or on the phone, children no longer have to be messengers between squabbling parents because communication between parents is through OurFamilyWizard. Journal and Message board dedicated to the family. The OurFamilyWizard. communication tool truly does make life better for children.
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When Custody Disputes Turn Ugly!
The Case of Parental Alienation Syndrome
Parental Alienation Syndrome or PAS is a phenomenon that develops almost exclusively as a by-product of separation and divorce.
The late Richard Gardner M.D. coined the term “PAS” in the early 1970’s when he started to write about behaviors that he observed in children whose parents were divorcing. In particular, he noted that among some of these children, their once warm, loving and healthy relationship with both parents prior to divorce suddenly altered to the extent where one parent was loved and the other one was outwardly despised and rejected.
Upon further investigation, it was found that the “loved” or “preferred” parent had coerced the child into a partnership of maligning and denigrating the other parent.
custody lawyer Brampton Accordingly, PAS is considered a condition where one parent deliberately attempts to sever the relationship a child has with the other parent and in doing so, he or she engages the child in the vilification of the other parent.
FREE ARTICLE ON PAS
I created a short user-friendly discussion on PAS. You can read it here.
There is considerable controversy surrounding the actual existence of PAS. This is because when it was first identified - back in the 1970’s - mothers were most often reported as the parent responsible for this regrettable situation. However today, there appears to be an
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even split between mothers and fathers who initiate PAS in their children. Nevertheless, because of the early identification of mothers as the offending parent, both mothers groups and fathers groups have politicize PAS. Sadly, this type of politicization – while self-serving – has taken away from remedying a very serious problem of children caught in their parents’ crossfire.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR PAS -
MOTHERS OR FATHERS?
It is thought that the shift in the initiators of PAS from being predominantly an issue involving mothers to one that is now equally shared by both mothers and fathers as having to do with:
.. Fathers playing a more active role in their children’s lives
.. The increase in dual income families
.. Child support based on both parents’ ability to support their children
Based on the factors just identified, you can now see how finances play into the mix. However, the more important issue regarding PAS is how it plays out in custody battles.
PAS is very controversial. You may ask, how so? The answer has to do with strong “political” underpinnings which tie into the issue of child support and who pays it.
custody lawyer Bridgeport PAS quickly evolved into a gender war with two factions involved: the feminists and the fathers’ movements, each presenting very strong opposing views. Unfortunately, the attention given to the politics of PAS has taken away from the real issue - that parents who are selfish and motivated are using children for revenge and money.
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Many parents are confused as to what exactly constitutes PAS. What needs to be clearly understood is that PAS goes far beyond one parent “badmouthing” the other. In true PAS, there is a campaign of denigration of the targeted parent that includes the involvement of the children in the process. The critical issue is that the children are active participants in demeaning, denigrating and rejecting the targeted parent.
There is no shortage of PAS resources on the Internet. Simply use the search terms, “parental alienation syndrome”, and “parental alienation”, “PAS or Dr. Richard Gardner”.
FREE PAS ONLINE RESOURCES
.. http://www.helpstoppas.com
.. /http://www.rgardner.com/refs
.. http://www.coeffic.demon.co.uk/pas.htm
.. http://www.parentalalienation.com/PASdirectory.htm
.. http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm
.. http://home.att.net/~rawars/
How to Know If Your Children Are Being Affected By PAS?
Many parents mistakenly assume that their children are victims of PAS. AS I said earlier, the critical issue in PAS is that the children cooperate with the alienating parents in the campaign of denigrating
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and rejecting the targeted parent. It is much more than children’s observed loyalty and/or upset with a parent that is often observed in children following their parents’ separation.
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Dr. Gardner identified the following criteria as indicators of PAS:
.. There is a campaign of denigration initiated by the alienating parent and involving the children
.. Weak, frivolous or absurd rationalization for the deprecation of targeted parent
.. Lack of ambivalence on the part of the children for their conduct with respect to the targeted parent
.. Children exhibit the “independent thinker” phenomenon - I.e., they attest to not being influenced by anyone
.. Reflexive support of the alienating parent
.. Absence of guilt
.. Spread of animosity to the extended family of the targeted parent
What Can You Do When You Believe That Parental Alienation Syndrome?
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a very serious problem. If any of the above criteria describe your child’s behavior, then do not ignore it thinking that it will subside or go away on its own. That is not how PAS works.
Unfortunately, the alienating parent typically does not stop the process until there is formal intervention or until the children are
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completely alienated from the other parent - no longer requiring their input. If you believe that PAS is affecting your children, then act now - DO NOT WAIT!!
Because PAS is not well understood, many attorneys and judges lack familiarity of it and consequently, they are often not able to quickly
Identify it. In light of this, it is imperative that you do not exclusively rely on your attorney to formulate a PAS argument in court.
custody lawyer Brisbane As a parent and a client, you must provide your attorney with the information that he or she will need to convince the judge that your children are being adversely affected by the other parent’s actions.
The first step in dealing with PAS is to recognize it.
The second step is to educate yourself and your attorney.
When it comes to informing your attorney about PAS, it is best to do so with a credible, concise and readable document that summarizes the relevant issues that differentiate PAS from the normal adjustment problems seen in children of divorce.
I’ve prepared a fully referenced e-Report entitled “Children’s Adjustment to Divorce: The Case of Parental Alienation Syndrome”. It cites the most current theories and research on the subject and clearly outlines how PAS develops and what to do about it.
For more information, CLICK HERE!
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When Supervised Visitation Becomes Necessary
In a growing number of contested custody situations, the court often orders supervised visitation. While in some situations, the need for supervision may be warranted, in the majority of other cases, it is not. Sadly, many ex-spouses make false allegations of abuse against the other spouse in an attempt to limit their access to the children or simply to be vindictive. If you are a parent who has been falsely accused of abusing your child, click here for information from Dean Tong about you need to do.
For most parents, the idea of having someone observe them while they care for their children seems absolutely absurd when they have parented independently previously.
custody lawyer Bristol Without a doubt, it is frustrating, upsetting and for many, humiliating to be subjected to this type of restriction – particularly when there is no basis. However, in most cases, court orders for supervised visitation are time limited in light of the concerns raised. Typically, courts “err on the side of caution” and impose supervised visitation until the concerns identified are dealt with. In doing so, the court still recognizes the importance of maintaining the relationship between the parent and the child, even though is imposes this form of restriction.
If you find yourself in the position of requiring supervised visitation in order to see your child, then it is wise to consider having a professional supervised visitation agency involved rather than opting for a friend, family member or neighbor. Although there are costs associated with professional supervision, in the long run it may save you time, money and frustration. The courts generally trust professional agencies and their reports are also well regarded. In many cases where the custodial parent is thought to be interfering with the children’s relationship with the other parent, a supervised visitation worker will likely be able to identify it.
To learn more about supervised visitation, click here.
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When The Dust Settles…
Even the ugliest and most acrimonious divorces do finally come to an end. And when they do, many are left wondering, is there life after divorce? And if there is, what will it be like and how does one move on?
After all the months (and for some - years) of legal wrangling, there is an almost empty feeling when it is finally over. The challenge for many is to be able to pick up the pieces, reconstruct lives and to move on. This is often easier said than done.
Because prolonged contested divorces tend to be expensive, there is almost always a significant financial hit to be dealt with once the final legal bills are dealt with. That’s not to mention regrouping after the settlement figures are established.
Getting Involved in a Relationship - Again
Most separated people do not follow this advice - however, I will give it anyway. For the record, it is best to give yourself at least a year to decompress following a marital/relationship break-up. Why?
There are a number of reasons but the main one is that the stress and emotion associated with separating often clouds one’s thinking when it comes to relationships. And although there is often a huge pull to be connected to someone caring, if you haven’t completely closed the door on one relationship, it may cause you to get involved in another for the wrong reasons.
It is also important for people to take the time to get to know themselves and their own needs.
custody lawyer Brownsville The best way to do that is to be by themselves because it is only then, can they really get in touch with who they are - without outside interference or distractions.
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Finally, if there are children, they will likely need your attention. Having a new relationship brewing will not only be a distraction but it will most certainly be a source of jealousy for your children.
To learn more about the process of rebuilding your life following divorce, check out “Lifeline After Divorce”. It’s not an ebook but a divorce recovery program that helps people regain control and confidence in their lives.
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I hope you found “The Divorce and Custody Resource Handbook” of benefit as you embark on a challenging period in your life.
Please do not delete this ebook. You see, I will be updating the links in it from time to time. In that way your ebook will stay current with information as it becomes available. I will also contact you about revised versions as they become available.
Before you close this ebook, here is one more important resource – a list of “free” divorce, custody and relationship articles.
custody lawyer Buffalo Please return to this list from time to time as I am continually updating it. I am sure you will find this a helpful and information.
Click here to find out more.
I welcome your comments and suggestions as I am committed to making this document as responsive as possible to the needs of people going through divorce.
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